Its weird how fast things can change. As an Anthropology major, I have come to understand 'deep' time and how humans have only been on earth for a blip in time. My life is like an eye lash blowing in the wind or you could insert some other small thing in a big place reference. Last year, I was a girl lost. I was super confused about love, friends, and my own sexuality, but within the time span of a few months, I have gained such a conviction about life that has me on my rightful path. I still don't know exactly what that path is, but, I know I'm on it because I am learning and I don't feel like I'm fighting an upstream battle to get there. Things are falling in to place. I learned more about my personality and how I interact with people while I was in Australia. I ventured out and did something crazy when I went skinny dipping with a girlfriend of mine at the beach. I have kissed guys without contemplating a relationship. My old high school adviser who I am friends with has always told me to 'taste flavors', meaning to kiss a lot of frogs, and I used to have a mental block about it. I've finally learned that a kiss is not the end all be all. Actually I've learned that sex is the same way, but I'm going to be choosy about who I sleep with because I've also learned that the intimacy of sex lingers with you. I can absolutely see how easily it would be to give your heart away. If I didn't know my friend who I slept with so well... I could have been in serious trouble. He is absolutely not someone I want to be anything more that just friends with. So back to my list... I've learned that I'm capable of being caught up in lust...which is something I wasn't sure I could do. Honestly, for the longest time I was feeling like I would never feel any kind of spark. I say this because I have kissed guys and I never got swept up like I did with Greg. My friend Caitlynn says that now it will be easier for me to be intimate with someone else when the time comes. I'm pretty sure shes right.
These things may seem a bit teenager-ish, but I've kind of prolonged theses experiences and it was about time I grew up and joined the adult world...or well at least partially. I am 22. I'm excited about life. Whatever comes, I know that I can face it. With my hippy love for life and a smile, I will be me and that is enough.
Great post! I wish I was as mature and sharp as you are when I was 22! You're doing fine. By the way, I love that you wrote "a soul learning in a human body" in your profile, because that's exactly what we are. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with islandgirl! You are very self-aware for 22. Oh,ummmm there's nothing wrong with a little well placed lust. : )
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies! Islandgirl: I think life becomes a lot easier to deal with when you realize that our souls are here to learn and to complete a purpose. It helps us to know that being perfect isn't our task, but learning is, so as long as we learn from our imperfections we're doing things right.
ReplyDelete& Angie: you are absolutely right! ;)