Astral Travel

I am spiritual person. There are these shows on Blogtalkradio.com where psychics and mediums have shows. The purpose of these shows are often to give readings for free, but some provide meditations and other teachings. Tonight I was listening to a show by this woman named Marisa Ryan. She is a psychic medium and during her hour show she lead an astral travel meditation. After the relaxation part I traveled toward a light and when I reached the light I ended up in this park with these dirt gravel path. Around me there was a well groomed lawn and shady trees. On my left there was a river flowing in a canal. On my right there were buildings. I walked down this path and on my right again between two buildings was a space with this iron fence that opened up into a garden with a brick path and a fountain in the center. Flowers and green plants created walk ways. Further to the right of the garden there was a bench. This bench was structurally iron with redwood planks. I sat down and waited and asked my dad to join me. My father died when I was a baby. I was only 3 months old when he passed away, and when he was walking toward me he was young. He sat down next to me. And I immediately felt like a little girl and sat in his lap. I felt him hugging me and rocking me. I started to tear up and cry. I had asked him if he was proud of me, and he said yes. Then I invited Clara, and my great grandmother and Mrs Oliver, but my dad was clearer. It felt good to be in his company. It was such a good experience.

Why do I do the things I do?

I ask myself this question a lot. It tends to happen after I have procrastinated writing a paper or after I have said something I shouldn't have. I figure that by being "me" I allow for myself to get into situations in which I have to get myself out of. The only problem is is that I do this all the time and I haven't seemed to have learned from past mistakes. So, again and again this question is on my mind. I frustrate myself more than any other person does...I find myself pathetic very frequently. I mean, I love myself. Whole heartedly. I just drive myself insane!

For example:

I hear my alarm go off. I know I have get up because I have class. I went to bed at 2am and I have to get up at 8am to get ready for class. I say to myself "Get UP you lazy ass!!!" But, then I think "you can sleep in a little bit longer and just forfeit makeup"...I hit the snooze button, climb into bed and sleep for another 15 minutes. The alarm goes off again. I tell myself "well my professor posts the lecture...I can sleep in till 11am." This may not be a problem if I did it once, but this happens frequently...

Now I'm up at 215 am watching TV shows online, because I am neither tired nor feeling inclined to lie down and try to fall asleep...