Year 29

        Year 29. My life so far has been one big lesson in letting go. From zero to my early twenties, I was forced to let go. My dad left the physical world when I was three months old. I could not control this. It had to happen. My stepdad left me when I was 15. I could not control this. It had to happen. My good friend left me with no chance for explanation at 19. I could not control this. It had to happen. However, it was a turning point; I became the one to leave.
      I learned to recognize that feeling when something isn't working and won't change. Practicing having the courage to say, "this is not for me," has been my lesson these past few years and months. Now, in the last year of my twenties, I feel I'm moving into a phase of saying and celebrating what is for me. This involves the lessons in letting go, again, as I shed the identity I've built around myself in favor of exploring the parts of me I haven't had the courage enough to say yes to. I feel I am now learning to let go of my need to control and even justify my actions to myself or others. I am learning to flow and submit to the energy of the universe. It's a letting go, of sorts, but it's also a taking. A taking of that which is already mine. It's finding peace where once was tension. It's taking in each moment as one being given to me to enjoy and grow in.
      These next few years are going to be ones of change. I am empowering myself to live in my purpose unapologetically. It's exciting, exhilarating, and, to be honest, a little scary. I'm setting myself up for failure, but I'm learning that in failure, we are given a chance to understand, and, that garnered wisdom will bring us closer to where we are meant to be. This is what I want. Growth. Change. Me.

Lessons in Dating Someone Who Seems "Right"

I recently forayed back into the world of dating. After taking time to heal from a previous relationship that couldn't be, I met someone who had all the potential to be what I needed, and I was excited. It was new. It was fun. And, because romantic connections with me are rare, someone who matched my humor, efforts, and desires for the future was like a sign lighting up saying, "this is possible!" We felt the most right we've ever felt with another person, and yet it's come to an end. I almost said, "sadly, it's come to an end," but I'm not sad. Bummed about potential not panning out? Yes. Feeling a little guilty over my chosen words? Yes. Sad and regretful? No. I'm processing it all now, and I wanted to share what I've learned. 

So far:

1.)I've learned that hope can cast an illusion around something that has all the appearance of being right, but that energy doesn't lie.

2.) I've learned to be in the moment, but to continue to observe and process what I'm being shown. Specifically, someone's actions and not their words. 

3.) I've learned that I need space to gain understanding about what I'm sensing. 

4.) I've learned how to put into practice the knowledge that boundaries are necessary for growth. 

5.) I've learned how to put into practice the fact that I can rely on my intuition.

I'm sure I'm not done learning these things, but I'm pretty proud of myself for staying true to me, even when it was tempting to stay in an illusion. Anyway, I hope this helps anyone who needs it to think about where they might need to trust in themselves more, set up boundaries for their protection and growth, or to acts as a prod of encouragement to come out from under the guise they choose to wear.