Oh baby baby

What is up with people and sex? The other day I was hanging out with friends that I've only really known for like a month or so and the girl Drea, thinks that looking at porn is bad. She was confronting our other friend Yu who is very open about the fact that he watches porn. When I was listening to their conversation, all I could do is sit back and say that I didn't think that porn was bad. However, I didn't tell them why.

To me porn helps me relieve stress. I'm in school; I'm trying to figure out my future; How the hell am I going to pay off loans with out going to prostitution or stripping...yes in that order, no I'm just kidding. But those are my stressors. Oh and also my family. I'm always worried that I'm going to get a phone call saying my grandparents or my siblings or cousins or mom...anyone in my family really, are dead. I don't think I could take it. I love them too much.

Ok well back to the sex thing. I fully agreed with Yu. Two or three times a week to keep you relaxed. Its super necessary. I call it a release. I don't think Drea had ever experienced that kind of release before and could therefore not judge. She said that only socially inept people watched porn...and well neither of us (Yu and I) fit that description.

My mother, who I am very close too who I can pretty much talk to about anything was telling me about her friend who is very traditionally mexican family raised, was giving her husband another try at working out their sex problems cause she was super horny. He was raised in a similar way, having learned only to satisfy himself...basically enough to make a baby. It turned out that he could only last 3 minutes and wasn't able to satisfy her. She got mad at him because she expects him to know what to do. And my mom and I were like, guys have no idea unless you tell them. You have to teach them what feels good and the girl needs to know what they like from the beginning and be willing to try new things....Its sad how no one teaches their children anything.

I was raised hearing about my mom's boyfriends, nothing sexual until was older, mostly just that she had been active at a young age and because she was honest with me, it has helped me develop my own ideas about what is important to me.

Thats why I'm still a virgin and I'm 21...yeah I'm seriously contemplating just jumping some guys bones, but...I don't know if one night of feeling good is better then being in a married committed relationship that is full of sex...I think I will probably wait...I think :/

Late night nose picking

So its 210 in the morning on memorial weekend. I have finals coming up and well... I have not studied nor have I been to many of my classes the past two weeks. This can all be chalked up to my addictive personality that gets me in trouble, or well I let it get me in trouble because its a lot less work and it distracts me from the fact that I am jeopardizing my eduction. My education which has a purpose? I don't know this purpose yet. Still trying to figure this out. This is my first blog entry... I don't anyone will read or find this interesting besides myself. I love to go back and read old things from my journals or look at old pictures of myself. It helps me build a mental image of what I used to be like and how I've changed. I created a blog for this purpose. Hopefully I will be able to find something I have a passion for that the world accepts. I guess my one goal is to one day be a mother, but I don't want to start that occupation until I get my shit together. As you will see, YOU meaning anyone who reads this, I write whatever comes to mind. My mind is jumbled but somewhat organized...much like my room. My sentence structure is hopefully interesting...I hate it when what you read sucks because of that factor. I hate it especially in books when authors halt a perfectly good conversation with 'said Bob.' Jk Rowling does is often in the Harry Potter series. It annoys me greatly. Well, I think thats all for one nights blogging. I kind of lot my train of thought/need to write. I will blog again when stuff eats at my mind.