I want love

I fall into these slumps sometimes. In fact I'm trying to find my way out of one right now. It starts out finding a show that has several seasons. I become so addicted to the show that I plow through one after the other one by one for about a week until the entire show is finished. I am useless until I finish the entire show. Why do I do this? I ask myself that question all the time. I think the answer has several parts to it. I'm not the kind of girl to go out and create drama. I love attention, but I'm slow to seek it. I'm quiet unless I have something to say or am trying to make people feel at ease. I love getting lost in a story. The beat of my heart as the two main characters can't live without each other. I am in love with love, but I can't find it anywhere. Well, thats not exactly true. I feel love from God, my angels and my spirit guides. I know my family loves me and I love them. I love my friends and even strangers. I am around love all day everyday, but I've never been in love and had it returned. Being a 21 going on 22 year old, this saddens me. Sure I've dated. I've 'made out' and dirty danced, but my toes have never curled up in though of being with someone whether intimately or just sitting next to them waiting for the bus. Is that a fairy tale type wish? I guess I really wouldn't know. I have no role models when it comes to love. My mother has been unlucky in love many times. I'm afraid she loses herself each time. I wish I still saw my mom as all knowing and all conquering. When you see your mom as just another person as confused as you...you ask the question is life really worth it? I already know the answer to this question despite my lack of knowledge in other areas of life. Of course life is worth it. There are so many lessons to learn and I guess love is one of them. Sometimes I think there will never be anyone to love me the way women are loved in movies. I've never felt it. I want to feel it. That loving gaze that sends chills down my spine and makes me smile that secret smile.Knowing that hes yours and your his. I try to stay hopeful.I try to get out of these slumps that make me want to write all this. I know life isn't easy and that other peoples lives just can't be compared to one another, but...I'm tired of waiting.