What am I missing?

There's something I'm not seeing. I've been wanting to work towards balance in my life, so that I don't feel like I'm scrambling so much to fix this or do that. I have to stay on top of bills. I have to make sure we have enough supplies for my grandma's care. I have to make sure we have what we need for the house. I need to do laundry, mine and my grandma's. I need to clean the whole house. I need to think about what we're going to do about the dry rotted, the termites, the cracks in the walls. I need to worry about what to do if there's an earthquake, fire, or burgler. I have to worry about having enough money to pay our caregivers. I have to schedule caregivers. I need to go work out. I need to eat better. I need sleep. I need time to myself. I need to...I need to cry because I miss my grandpa. I need to cry because all of this is really hard. I need to cry because I don't have my shit together. And I need to cry because I don't know when this will end. And I don't know what to do when it does. Through all this, something is slipping and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's me.