Jump start my kaleidoscope heart

I feel pretty pathetic. Is it weird for me to be embarrassed that I am a 22 year old woman who has never had a boyfriend...well, not counting David T. in 4th grade?! To be honest, I kind of feel like I'll never meet someone. My mom is always going on that it will happen when I least expect it. I doubt that. I am too in my head to let anything go unexpected. My head is literally filled with scenarios between myself and guy friends. From booty calls to marriage, I have thought about these things with nearly every guy I meet. Its not that I'm actually interested in every guy romantically. Its just that in my head I'm thinking 'could this guy maybe one day be someone to love?' And, when I think about love I think about super shared intimacy sorts of things. Body & Soul. I don't share those things easily and I have to be able to picture myself doing such things. So far, there have been few guys that I think I could do it with. Sure, I've wanted to just call up a guy friend have have a little fling with no drama...like a one time thing, but then I would be going against myself and would probably end up feeling sick with guilt. I think I've said this before in a previous entry, but I am not a prude. I just don't want to share parts of myself with just anyone. I don't want to become connected to someone who I don't think is worthy. That sounded kind of 'high and mighty' but shouldn't I think of myself as 'worth it'? I am still in the process of trying to see myself as such and I guess its a good thing that I am not trying to jump into a relationship. Loving yourself is really kind of a hard thing to do. I guess I need to jump start my own heart, before I can be driven.